Jenna

what a fuck up…

I really can’t believe myself sometimes. So many times I find myself saying “who is that girl? that’s not me.” I just put the best thing in my life in jeopardy.  Sometimes straight up telling the truth is better than sparing someone’s feelings… because in the end, it bites you in the ass and you end up hurting them more than you would’ve if you just said something from the beginning.  If you’re scared of how someone will react or to hurt their feelings, remember this… honesty is the best policy. Never again will I forget that. I was supposed to be studying for a final I have in less than 8 hours but my mind is too preoccupied with my own stupidity.  I know you aren’t going to read this but know this, I’m truly sorry, I never should have tried to spare your feelings, I know if I had said something at the beginning things would’ve been much different. I love you so much and I know that deep down, somewhere, you still do love me.  Although I deserve not to have you speak to me again, I hope you can find it in your heart to remember all the good things, the memories, the laughter, etc, we’ve been through so much together and we’ve always made it through.

meow.

Okay, for once I’m not gonna write about Michael even though everyone knows how much he means to me.

I’m so glad that there are only 13 days of classes left in this semester. I’m at my breaking point. So many things have been stressing me out. School, being in a long distance relationship with someone who’s been my best friend for years, and life in general. These past couple of weeks I apologize if I’ve seemed bitter, bitchy, or just seemed like I don’t care. Everything’s been eating away at me. Luckily, when this semester ends I think that should take some of the stress with me. I’ll get a break from classes and I’ll get to be with the love of my life for a whole month. :)  I can’t wait.

I knew Michael was gonna come up in some of this but I just want to say how grateful I am for all the friends I’ve made because of him.  My MJ family are the best.  I love you all, even ones I’ve just met recently or don’t know all that well yet- Erika, Amada, Christine, Garrett, Moses, Andrea, David, Carmen, Gene, Heather, Krystique, Trish, Kevin, Maria, Ezzy, Riqi, Rochelle, Scott and Tsehai. I love you all. A lot of you have become like a family to me. <3 Michael Joseph Jackson Forever <3

tumblrbot asked: WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE INANIMATE OBJECT?

my computer i guess.

after today, i think i may obsessed now more than ever. my whole day was devoted to Michael Joseph Jackson. first, from 1-5pm on Fuse they played what they call “Remember His Time” which is Michael’s music videos… of course they didn’t play every single one. there are some that they never play so they end up repeating a few. anyway, at 5 on VH1 there was the movie Jacksons: An American Dream which basically was the story of the Jackson family and early in Michael’s solo career. this really opened my eyes to see what a hard life Michael and his family had. incredibly strict, abusive father who always pushed Michael and his brothers, Tito Jermaine Marlon and Jackie to do their best at performing.  and even though it wasn’t really them in the movie, their characters were spot on, especially Michael’s.  it really showed what talent he had from childhood, it also definitely showed his lack of childhood and his need to be loved. i cried so much during that movie.  then after that, a VH1 Michael Jackson special: the making of This Is It came on. throughout almost all of it, i had a huge breakdown. it made me so upset to see all that hard work and how close they were to being completely ready to put on what would’ve been the best show ever… EVER. nothing would ever have topped the This Is It concerts. in that documentary… i guess you’d call it… the people working on it said that the day before Michael’s passing was the last rehearsal they were going to have, they were going to ship all the materials to London for dress rehearsals the next day and Michael and his children were going to move over there for the concerts. that’s how close they were to being completely ready. it breaks my heart that the world will never get to REALLY see what could have been. the movie is great and shows the process and the making of what would have been the greatest concerts ever and i’m very greatful that was at least able to be shared. there are many, many times where it feels like this great man is still with us physically and after when i realize he isn’t i, many times, can’t take it and i break down or at least tear up a little.  he will always be with us spiritually and emotionally.  him, his music and his message will live on in our hearts forever. i look up to Michael so much. while i may not be a dancer or even really want to become an entertainer in any way he’s such a great role model. he wasn’t afraid to be different, his message always was “all for love”, he teaches people how to be grateful for things and not take everything for granted, how to love, and just to be yourself.  he made me realize so much that life is short and you have to do things that are important to you and not to miss out on opportunites, and most importantly to not judge anyone and to just love and be grateful and not take things for granted. he was truly an amazing human being. Rest In Peace. <3